Feel Your Emotions
How do you want to deal with your emotions?
Feel them or calm them?
Many people suppress their emotions or distract themselves from them, thereby they avoid feeling their emotions. As children, we didn’t learn how to deal with emotions. We might have gotten distracted (with candy) or told not to do certain things (like being loud when angry). So now you can learn to feel them fully again. If you currently can’t feel into your emotions you can also calm them for the moment (see explanation below).
Feeling Emotions
Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions again. The following tips are meant to help you.
Most of us learned as children to suppress or ignore negative emotions. When a child cries, they are quickly distracted. They were given something sweet to make them happy again. Many adults are familiar with this and are eating to comfort them.
So we’ve learned that emotions like fear, anger, or sadness aren’t allowed to be there.
In TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), it is said that the emotions we suppress remain in our bodies and make us sick. So it is also important for our health that we learn to feel our emotions again and let them got.
An emotion is a message. It is simply another language that many people do not want to speak or have forgotten how to speak. If we don’t listen, these emotions will keep coming back until they’ve delivered their message.
Most people know someone who seems to fly into a rage over something trivial (or perhaps you’re that person yourself). Viewed from the outside, this behavior often seems inappropriate for the situation.
But what is actually happening here is that the pent-up emotions suddenly want to come out and then focus on a specific thing. Unfortunately, this outburst of anger usually does not release the actual underlying energy*.
Most people then talk themselves into anger, so to speak. They insult others or themselves. So the anger discharges itself through words. But words are not the language of emotions.
On the contrary, when an emotion is vented through words, it tends to be fueled even more. The emotion only diminishes for the moment. Words ensure that the emotion is stored in the body again or remains stored there.
Example: You get angry because you’re stuck in traffic. You start getting upset at the other drivers (after all, they’re the reason you’re running late, etc.). These thoughts, so to speak, fuel your negative emotions. It may feel liberating in the moment. But the next time you find yourself in that situation, you’ll react with exactly the same emotion again.
Only when we start observing how our body reacts to an emotion and fully allow it to be there, are we truly listening to the emotion.
If we listen to it long enough and it has delivered its message, then it can leave our body.
Once the emotion has left our body, we can find ourselves in the same situation—like being stuck in traffic—and the situation can no longer trigger our negative emotion.
When I feel the emotion, I sense it moving through my body. Once I’ve let go of the emotion, I can no longer feed it with negative thoughts. Even if I then recall the negative situation, I no longer feel the negative emotion; instead, I remain emotionally neutral.
Think of it like a Buddhist monk. Do you think he gets angry because he’s stuck in traffic?
Certainly not. He simply remains neutral, as that is his natural state.
Therefore: Everything that happens on the outside is neutral. You are the one who gives meaning to the whole situation based on the energies* you carry within you. Different people perceive the same situation differently. If you let go of those energies or emotions, your reality (or your perception of your reality) can also change.
*We are all made of energy. Most people know that everything is made of atoms. Not everyone knows that inside an atom is energy.
So everything is just energy. Emotions like anger, fear, or sadness are simply energies that we have labeled as negative, which is why we don’t like them.
Don’t get caught up in your thoughts. For example, we might blame a certain person for our situation and think of all the “bad” things that have happened.
By doing this, we give away our power to external circumstances over which we have no control. As long as you do that, you won’t be able to change anything.
Important: Get in touch with your feelings and let go of your thoughts.
Really allow yourself to just feel the emotion and let go of your negative thoughts.
Option 1:
You can use a mantra to focus on feeling rather than thinking. Possible mantra:
It’s just energy.
It is just energy leaving my body.
Repeat this while consciously feeling into your body. The mantra reminds you that even the unpleasant feelings you are experiencing right now are just energy*. An energy you are listening to right now.
Option 2:
Consciously focus on what you’re feeling. Here’s an example:
“I feel the energy in my throat. I feel my throat tightening. It’s hard for me to breathe. Keep breathing. The breath flows into my lungs with great pressure and comes out very slowly. I keep breathing, even though it’s hard for me … The pressure on my throat is slowly easing. I notice that I can breathe more easily again. …”
Some emotions can be felt within a few seconds. Others may take a week to leave the body.
It’s best to start with a mild emotion before moving on to feeling stronger emotions.
In my own experience, it took me over a week for a major fear to fade until it was no longer present—even though I spent a few minutes to an hour each day to just feel it.
Therefore, it’s better to start with less intense emotions so that you can feel for the first time how the emotion truly leaves your body.
To help you with this process, go to the emotion you are feeling or would like to trigger. There you will find questions and examples of how the emotion might feel.
*We are all made of energy. Most people know that everything is made of atoms. Not everyone knows that inside an atom is energy.
So everything is just energy. Emotions like anger, fear, or sadness are simply energies that we have labeled as negative, which is why we don’t like them.
The emotion may shift after just a few seconds. But it’s also possible that it remains present for several hours. (Generally, the emotion shifts as you feel it, but it can certainly be present longer.) So it varies greatly from person to person and from emotion to emotion.
How long you choose to fully immerse yourself in an emotion is entirely up to you. How long can you really allow yourself to fully embrace the emotion?
For some people, even a few seconds can feel like an eternity.
If it’s only a few seconds at first, that’s perfectly fine. You’re relearning something you’ve forgotten, and that feels unfamiliar at first. You’re allowed to relearn it in small steps.
It is possible that, even though you have already been feeling into the emotion for half an hour, it is still very present.
That can also feel very draining. In that case, take a break and thank the emotion. Tell it that you’ll make time for it again, and then let it go.
Basically letting go of the emotion can also be seen as suppressing it. It’s important to do this only temporarily. So tell the emotion that you’ll make time for it again—whether in your thoughts or out loud doesn’t matter. This makes it easier to let go of the emotion.
Fear holds us back and closes us off. It constricts us, so to speak, or makes us feel constricted.
When you feel fear, do you notice your whole body tensing up?
Is your chest and/ or abdomen tense?
Does fear make your heart race?
Are you trembling or shivering inside? Are your teeth chattering?
Does fear take your breath away? Are you breathing shallowly?
Do you feel your throat tightening?
Let it happen, but keep breathing consciously.
Here’s an example:
When I’m afraid, I often breathe very shallowly. Especially when I feel my throat tightening and I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. Fear takes my breath away, so to speak. I then force myself to keep breathing very consciously. But at the same time, I feel into the tightness in my throat and allow the emotion to be there.
Most of the time, the tightness eases after a short while.
Reminder:
Do not feed the emotion with your thoughts!
It’s just an energy that we’ve given a negative label.
When we’re afraid, we start imagining “horror scenarios.” As long as you have such scenarios in your head, you’re essentially “feeding” the negative emotion. So become aware that it’s all just in your head and not real.
The point is to fully feel and allow the emotion. So that it can transform and leave your body.
The only way out is through.
If necessary, replace negative thoughts with neutral ones.
Option 1:
Think of a mantra:
It’s just energy.
It’s just energy leaving my body.
Option 2:
Consciously reflect on what you’re feeling. Here’s an example:
“I feel the energy in my throat. I feel my throat tightening. It’s hard for me to breathe. Keep breathing. The breath flows into my lungs with great effort and comes out only slowly. I keep breathing, even though it’s hard for me … The pressure on my throat slowly eases. I notice that my breath is flowing more easily into my lungs again … ”
Allow yourself a break from feeling.
It is possible that, even though you have already been feeling into the emotion for half an hour, it is still very present.
Then take a break and thank the emotion. Tell it that you’ll make time for it again, and then let it go.
Basically letting go of the emotion can also be seen as suppressing it. However, this is only temporarily. So tell the emotion that you’ll make time for it again—whether in your thoughts or out loud doesn’t matter. This makes it easier to let go of the emotion.
Anger wants to offload. But you don’t have to take it out on the people around you.
Do you feel a pressure in your chest?
Do you feel the acid in your stomach? Boiling over?
Are you gritting your teeth? Is your jaw tense?
Do you feel your throat getting thicker?
Are you seething with anger on the inside?
Is your face tense?
Do you have red spots on your face? (From the tension)
Is your whole body tense? Legs, arms, hands?
Do you clench your hands into fists?
Do you want to hit something?
Anger often rises up into the head. Some people get red spots on their face from anger or feel warm.
Let your anger vent itself through your head. Scream your anger out. Not with specific words. Just a scream. “Ahhhh”
Many people hesitate to scream out loud. “What will the neighbors think? They’ll call the police.”
So feel free to grab a pillow and hold it right in front of your mouth. That will muffle your scream enough that no one around you needs to worry.
Or do you feel the need to hit something?
You can use a pillow for this, too. Go ahead and hit your furniture. Maybe a sofa or a bed. Or you can lay blankets and pillows on the floor and punch and kick the floor.
Here’s an example:
I often feel like my throat gets thick, and I get a sensation of pressure in my head. The anger rises to my head, so to speak. I let it out by screaming into a pillow. I only use the pillow out of consideration for my neighbors, who would surely wonder what’s going on. Plus, that way I don’t feel afraid that I might get too loud.
Reminder:
Don’t feed the emotion with your thoughts!
It’s just energy that we’ve given a negative label.
When we’re angry, we often take it out on others. “My situation is their fault.”
That might help for the moment. But in the long run, you’re holding onto that energy in your body and not letting it go. As soon as you remember the situation, you’re angry at that person again.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s actually their fault and that’s why you’re angry. As long as you try to release your anger towards a person or a specific situation, it won’t leave your body.
The point is to fully feel and allow the emotion. So that it can transform and leave your body.
If necessary, you can replace the negative thoughts.
Option 1:
Repeat a mantra:
It’s just energy.
It’s just energy leaving my body.
Option 2:
Consciously focus on what you’re feeling. Here’s an example:
“I feel like my throat is swelling right now. I feel the energy moving toward my throat and into my head. I want to scream … Ahhhh … The pressure in my throat has eased. Now I feel acid rising in my stomach. …”
Allow yourself a break from feeling.
It is possible that, even though you have already been feeling into the emotion for half an hour, it is still very present.
Then take a break and thank the emotion. Tell it that you’ll make time for it again, and then let it go.
Letting go of the emotion can also be seen as suppressing the emotion. However, this is only temporary. Therefore, tell the emotion that you’ll make time for it again—whether in your thoughts or out loud doesn’t matter. This makes it easier to let go of the emotion.
Sadness or grief weighs you down.
Does your body feel heavy?
Do you feel like something is pulling you down? Or like something heavy is sitting on your chest?
Do you feel a heavyness in your stomach or a lump in your throat?
Do you feel the urge to cry?
Can you feel tears welling up?
Allow yourself to cry.
Many of us have forgotten how to cry. We always want to be strong. But true strength comes from allowing ourselves to show our apparent weaknesses.
Allow yourself to cry like a baby. Crying is the best way to let go of grief.
Here’s an example:
When I’m sad, I feel a heaviness in my chest. It literally weighs me down. When I allow myself to really feel into that space, I often feel that energy moving upward and then coming out in the form of tears. I don’t hold anything back then and allow myself to cry out loud.
Reminder:
Don’t feed the emotion with your thoughts!
It’s just energy that we’ve given a negative label.
For example, if you’re sad because your favorite piece of clothing was ruined, you’re now thinking about the loss of that item. Then you might start imagining all the things you can no longer do because of it. And you mourn the loss.
Remembering something is not negative in and of itself. But consciously imagining the loss in the future is not helpful for letting go of the emotion.
Allow yourself to fully feel and accept the emotion.
If necessary, you can replace the negative thoughts.
Option 1:
Think a mantra:
It is just energy.
It’s just energy leaving my body.
Option 2:
Consciously reflect on what you’re feeling. Here’s an example:
“I feel the energy in my chest. It feels like it’s constricting my throat. I feel tears welling up in my eyes … I need to take a deep breath …”
Allow yourself a break from feeling.
It is possible that, even though you have already been feeling into the emotion for half an hour, it is still very present.
Then take a break and thank the emotion. Tell it that you’ll make time for it again, and then let it go.
Letting go of the emotion can also be seen as suppressing the emotion. However, this is only temporary. Therefore, tell the emotion that you will make time for it again—it doesn’t matter whether you do this in your thoughts or say it out loud. This will make it easier for you to let go of the emotion.
Calming Emotions
It’s not always appropriate to fully immerse yourself in an emotion right in that moment. In those cases, it’s helpful to have a few ideas on how to calm an emotion temporarily.
When we’re afraid, we often take only shallow breaths. Please pay attention to your breath. How does it feel?
Then take three conscious, deep breaths into your belly.
Count from 1 to 4 as you inhale.
Then exhale for the same amount of time, counting from 1 to 4 again.
Repeat this process 3 times.
You can count in your head like this:
In – two – three – four
Out – two – three – four
Check again. How are you feeling now? Has the fear decreased?
If it’s still there, you can repeat the breathing exercise again. Keep doing it until your body has calmed down.
When you’re feeling angry one thing you can do is to get some physical activity and thus get rid of that extra energy. If possible, you can push yourself to the limit during sports and basically sweat it out.
Or take a few minutes to shake it out. You might want to put on some music while you do this.
Shake your whole body for a few minutes—from head to toe. Let all your anger out through excessive movements. It’s good if it feels exhausting.
For example, you can punch the air with your hand and vent your anger at the air. Or you can kick wildly around you. Don’t hold back—just let the anger out (at the air). Keep doing this until you notice your anger calming down. This usually happens after a few minutes.
Can’t move right now? Are you perhaps sitting in a meeting and feeling angry?
Unconsciously, many people clench their teeth or tense their jaw muscles. Of course, you can do this consciously as well. But it’s more effective not to let the energy get stuck in your jaw.
For example, you can clench your hand into a fist (under the table) or tense your leg muscles. You can also use your thumbs to apply pressure to your other fingers. This tenses the muscles and releases some of the anger energy.
Generally speaking, you can try tensing your muscles wherever you can at that moment.
Alternatively, deep breathing can also help. Feel your belly expand as you inhale and contract again as you exhale. Breathe deeply into your belly and allow your abdominal and chest areas to expand. Repeat this deep breathing exercise at least three times.
Sadness overwhelms us, so to speak. It weighs us down.
A change of perspective can help. Imagine your current situation from a bird’s-eye view.
Take a deep breath into your belly and chest.
Then imagine you can jump into the future.
How would you look back on the current situation in 1 or 10 years?
Would you even remember it in 10 years?
Alternatively deep breathing also helps to calm down when you are feeling sad. Taking deep breath into your belly and saying to yourself (in your mind) that you are save.
Getting Support
Would you like help learning to feel your emotions properly again?
Then let’s schedule a discovery call. We’ll take a look at your situation and discuss your goals to figure out how I can support you best on your journey.
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Note: The content on this site is intended solely for general informational and self-help purposes and is not a substitute for professional psychotherapeutic, psychiatric, or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This site does not offer therapy and does not constitute a promise of healing. If you suffer from a mental illness (e.g., severe depression, psychosis, eating disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder) or are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the exercises are not recommended. Please only use the exercises after consulting with your treating professional. You do the exercises at your own risk; the provider is not liable for any health consequences.